A tribute to my son, Cory - 8 July 1975 - 22 March 2000
Yesterday was an incredibly difficult day filled with bittersweet memories and a river of tears.
My son, Cory, would be 44 years of age this coming July.
Nineteen years ago, yesterday, Cory made a decision that he did not want to push forward with life - he had had enough of the pain and the dark, menacing clouds hovering over his head and his heart.
Cory was the first male born in 4 generations of our family...so, to say he was special is an understatement. He was my tall, handsome, thin, funny boy with corn-flower blue eyes...as his maternal great-grandmother had.
I remember how his sweet lips felt every time he kissed me on my cheeks. I loved the way he had to bend down to hug me.
I remember vividly and loved his scent. Sound strange? No. I am his Mother. Some characteristics I remember like... yesterday...and I can make him appear in my dreams now. For years I was never able to do this.
I remember that Cory did not speak when he should and no doctor nor specialist could explain why.
He was quiet. He was pensive. He was sad and he was quick to anger, but...when he was in a good mood, he liked nothing more than to make people laugh until their bellies hurt.
I will not share his entire story because I want to keep it for myself, tucked safely in my head, my heart. It feels as though it is the only thing I can do now to protect him. Odd again, I realise, but true.
Listen - give your time, your energy, your love and understanding to your child's stories - no matter what age they are, no matter how many times you have heard their tales.
Depression is tangible. Bi-polar is wretched and insidious. We, as parents, have our hands tied by the medical and legal system once our 'child' reaches the age of an adult. As much as we loathe to see our children hurting and unable to navigate life, I promise you...their pain is larger and more palpable than anything we could ever begin to imagine.
Seek as many support systems for your child that you possibly can and...for yourself...but, know that if the pain is great enough, they will simply find their way to their own meaning of freedom and peace.
I miss you, my son. I will forever see you in the moon and the stars. YOU are loved.
My son, Cory, would be 44 years of age this coming July.
Nineteen years ago, yesterday, Cory made a decision that he did not want to push forward with life - he had had enough of the pain and the dark, menacing clouds hovering over his head and his heart.
Cory was the first male born in 4 generations of our family...so, to say he was special is an understatement. He was my tall, handsome, thin, funny boy with corn-flower blue eyes...as his maternal great-grandmother had.
I remember how his sweet lips felt every time he kissed me on my cheeks. I loved the way he had to bend down to hug me.
I remember vividly and loved his scent. Sound strange? No. I am his Mother. Some characteristics I remember like... yesterday...and I can make him appear in my dreams now. For years I was never able to do this.
I remember that Cory did not speak when he should and no doctor nor specialist could explain why.
He was quiet. He was pensive. He was sad and he was quick to anger, but...when he was in a good mood, he liked nothing more than to make people laugh until their bellies hurt.
I will not share his entire story because I want to keep it for myself, tucked safely in my head, my heart. It feels as though it is the only thing I can do now to protect him. Odd again, I realise, but true.
Listen - give your time, your energy, your love and understanding to your child's stories - no matter what age they are, no matter how many times you have heard their tales.
Depression is tangible. Bi-polar is wretched and insidious. We, as parents, have our hands tied by the medical and legal system once our 'child' reaches the age of an adult. As much as we loathe to see our children hurting and unable to navigate life, I promise you...their pain is larger and more palpable than anything we could ever begin to imagine.
Seek as many support systems for your child that you possibly can and...for yourself...but, know that if the pain is great enough, they will simply find their way to their own meaning of freedom and peace.
I miss you, my son. I will forever see you in the moon and the stars. YOU are loved.
Reaching out ~ SO happy and excited about the new cubby house his Aunt Constanza made for him ~ his precious sister, Kelley, right behind him - as she always was...
Missing those blue eyes...
A very proud Grand-Mother...
My teeny-tiny family, missing 3 now - dreadful...
Oh, how my son, Cory, LOVED his sister, Kelley.
Kelley supported her younger brother in amazing ways - many times, they could have 'killed' one another, but, they were always there - for each other - together.
Soooo tall - after his maternal 'Great'-Grandfather!
Ooooooh, this sweet, sweet smile.
Happier days...
Can you SEE HOW MUCH Judy loved Cory???
Sibling silliness!!!
2 GENERATIONS OF SIBLINGS and
EVEN MORE SILLINESS!
I SEE YOU...xxoxxx
Posted with extreme love and sadness. I have a life-time of experience living with a loved one troubled by serious mental health issues. I am always willing to have a chat - to listen. Please, if you feel so seriously troubled, that you want to give-in or give-up, know that...those feelings will leave. Yes, they may reappear, but seek HELP always because you have NO idea of the real and stark devastation you will leave hehind if you choose suicide. One conversation can give you the hope you need to make it through the next hurdle. ONE.
And...I am sorry for the hurdles that have been placed in your life.
Blanco. A Mother of a tribe of six - always - one lives up above.
Be kind as you roam and willing to listen.
PSl Please excuse any typos.
Comments
Post a Comment