It's been a LONG WHILE...
The 12th of December, 2013 I arrived in Memphis, Tennessee filled with wonder about the prospect of the future and great worry concerning the physical and emotional state of my dear Mother.
I was my Mother's only remaining child and Mom had enhanced my life with support, massive amounts of love and laughter, and stern (very) looks. Never did I doubt my Mom's love. I knew that my sister, Constance, Mom's first born was an absolute STAR in my Mom's eyes, but Constance was my STAR, too...so, that didn't really matter. Now, my Mother needed me in every way possible because she had been admitted to the hospital numerous times for falling and other health issues and Mom, literally, had no one left in her life to give her the mental, physical, and emotional support she needed. I considered that purpose to be my privilege.
But, THESE are life's moments and situations with which you want to be acutely familiar because you will be enormously impacted when you move overseas. This is why you need to, at least, think about a Plan B...or C! There are no easy answers when you leave loved ones on the other side of the ocean. I know...
It was Tinto's desire and mine that I would go first and he would follow me to Memphis. We were expecting to be together in about a 6 month window. That did not happen. Six months would go by...nothing. In huge anticipation every month I would be waiting on news that Tinto would be cleared to join me. Another 6 months went by and another until the months began to build up like blocks; enormous blockades. Not nice. The pain was sharp. Tinto and I never planned a separation for any real amount of time, but that is what we faced. We never received the clearance for Tinto to physically move to the States for reasons that belong only to Tinto. But, let me tell you, it is not only the States clamping down with immigration and security. Tinto was born in the U.K. and we are married, but that makes NO difference. I can only visit the U.K. for 6 months at a time; married or not. THE WHOLE WORLD HAS CHANGED. It is not as gentle or kind as it used to be and being married does not give a couple a free pass to live in the country of their choosing. Nope. Nadda. It is not going to happen. It CAN happen with enormous amounts of money and proof of income, but every situation is individual and extremely complicated. Tinto and I were forced into Plan B. But, it was an easy choice. Tinto's lovely parents are much older, too, but in great shape! He missed them terribly and as we all know...England is far closer to the States than Australia. Anyplace is nearer THAN AUSTRALIA!!! Ha! (Typed with immense love.) So, April 2016 Tinto packed up the gorgeous place we call home and stored every single personal belonging in the Maxwell shed. Everything. Tinto flew in the big skies into his large, loving family and was able to work his magic on homes in the U.K. and the south of France. I swear everything this man touches he makes better. Tinto works wonders on buildings and homes and old, stone walls. He has a great eye for what a space needs to be enhanced. It is Tinto's gift.
In any event we would meet every year for at least 10-12 days for our anniversary and support each other the best way we could. Our nightly phone calls were long and like precious pearls. I looked forward to each and every one just to hear the sound of Tinto's calming voice. I know that THEY say 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' ~ I understand. In our case it was certainly true, but it doesn't mean that it's a nice experience. I would not recommend this much distance for any couple. Your heart can physically hurt without having serious health issues! Anyone who has experienced the death of a dear one is well aware...
Tinto and I had choices to make. Mom did not want to die in a nursing home. After huge conversations and serious research, Tinto and I agreed that, no matter what, we would honor Mom's deepest wish. But...we had to be together again and soon. So, another huge move. Moving is never fun. The older one gets the harder it seems to be. I packed my Mom a/k/a/ 'Granny' and we moved from Memphis to Athens, Georgia with Granny kicking and screaming (well, almost) because Mom considered herself to be the largest lover of Memphis! True. She adored Memphis, Tennessee and did not want to die in Georgia. Well, as my grand-daughter always says, 'You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit.' Mom was not going to spend the rest of her days in a facility. Mom would be with my daughter and grand-daughter. My daughter brilliantly raised her hand and volunteered to care for Mom because she knew the toll that my absence from Tinto was taking. I shall forever remember this huge act of kindness. IF you have ever cared for an elderly parent...YOU know what is involved. You truly become a 24 hour carer and you have to have people in place to help you, too, or life begins to fall apart.
Now it was my turn to fly into Tinto's arms and reconnect. Took no time at all. When I saw his face at Gatwick my heart melted. We were back in sync and slap happy. With due diligence I made certain I would be departing England before my six (6) month allowance was over in order not to raise any red flags. Within the time of love and peace, my Mother's health was deteriorating, but...Mom was 89 years of age and I felt lucky to have her. Tinto and I had a cottage in which to live that he and his brother had been renovating and it looked super! Tinto and I continued to nest and then...whoooooooooooooooosh...the six month space was about to be gone and I was receiving multiple calls from the States advising me I needed to come home. When I arrived, my Mom's teeny-tiny arms stretched out to receive me and this picture I have of her in my mind's eye will remain with me until my last breath. The tears flowed. Later I will write about the most intimate and precious time I had with my Mother. It is still a raw memory for me now...
I remain forever thankful that Mother waited for my return before she died.
After almost 2 months I joined Tinto again back in London. He had this super idea that travel would help me heal and while we were on that side of the world...why not see Europe? WHY NOT? That's when the idea grew and developed and he purchased Mr. Horace, our fabulous home on wheels, and we went on a 'walk about' (as we say in Australia), but more like a DRIVE ABOUT. Best 6 months of my life and, of course, I wanted to share the sights, sounds, and tastes with my Mother. Every time I thought of ringing her...a deep pain would hit me as a reminder. That was not nice either. Plain fact: We never get enough of our loved ones. We need to appreciate the moments we have and make the best of them.
During all of this time (years!) we had a dear mate taking care of one of our cats on her property in South Australia. REMINDER: Cats do not move easily. Every single animal we have found us and chose to live with us and make a great difference to our lives. Leaving them was HARD. We had another dear mate looking after Henry, our Bull Mastiff, (small pony!) and another feral cat would not even consider being relocated. She was a lost cause, but guess who appeared 2 days after we returned? MUFFIN, the second cat who chose us! I helped raise her babies, well, Henry helped more. Muffin and Henry would sleep together on our love seat. I have a pic somewhere. It truly is a sight to see. As time went by, Henry was transferred yet again, to Tinto's son. Tinto's son loves and laughs with this dog as much as we do; so everything was still right in the world.
Six months of travelling Europe, falling in love with Ireland, and especially Almunecar, Spain and building memories that we shall treasure for the rest of our days, then reality hits and we really need to get back home. I was fortunate to get to jet back to my 'gels' in Georgia to spend some time and say a proper 'Good-Bye' and Tinto was able to stay with his Father and Mother and do as many things as possible for them to make their lives a bit easier. He truly enjoyed this time and I know he will be forever grateful that he had it.
REALITY.
After flying in for a short and fabulous trip to Melbourne to be with a couple of Tinto's adult children we are back in SOUTH AUSTRALIA. My god, the house is not the same house I know - needs more magic than Tinto (or I) ever imagined, but that's okay. It will be transformed perhaps later rather than sooner. The garden, however, has been tended to in a special way. It was most welcoming to see. I am not quite sure that I am brave enough to post 'before' photos of our house ~ feels a bit personal, but I will share some animal and GARDEN PICS. We have an avalanche of mail to sort through (still) and a mountain of chores ahead of us for the next year, no doubt! Lots of plans, many changes, and that's a good thing, right? Keeps us young and strong and enthusiastic about life. Now, I've said it before...if I could only kidnap my daughter and grand-daughter - life would be perfect.
LIFE GOES ON...
I was my Mother's only remaining child and Mom had enhanced my life with support, massive amounts of love and laughter, and stern (very) looks. Never did I doubt my Mom's love. I knew that my sister, Constance, Mom's first born was an absolute STAR in my Mom's eyes, but Constance was my STAR, too...so, that didn't really matter. Now, my Mother needed me in every way possible because she had been admitted to the hospital numerous times for falling and other health issues and Mom, literally, had no one left in her life to give her the mental, physical, and emotional support she needed. I considered that purpose to be my privilege.
But, THESE are life's moments and situations with which you want to be acutely familiar because you will be enormously impacted when you move overseas. This is why you need to, at least, think about a Plan B...or C! There are no easy answers when you leave loved ones on the other side of the ocean. I know...
It was Tinto's desire and mine that I would go first and he would follow me to Memphis. We were expecting to be together in about a 6 month window. That did not happen. Six months would go by...nothing. In huge anticipation every month I would be waiting on news that Tinto would be cleared to join me. Another 6 months went by and another until the months began to build up like blocks; enormous blockades. Not nice. The pain was sharp. Tinto and I never planned a separation for any real amount of time, but that is what we faced. We never received the clearance for Tinto to physically move to the States for reasons that belong only to Tinto. But, let me tell you, it is not only the States clamping down with immigration and security. Tinto was born in the U.K. and we are married, but that makes NO difference. I can only visit the U.K. for 6 months at a time; married or not. THE WHOLE WORLD HAS CHANGED. It is not as gentle or kind as it used to be and being married does not give a couple a free pass to live in the country of their choosing. Nope. Nadda. It is not going to happen. It CAN happen with enormous amounts of money and proof of income, but every situation is individual and extremely complicated. Tinto and I were forced into Plan B. But, it was an easy choice. Tinto's lovely parents are much older, too, but in great shape! He missed them terribly and as we all know...England is far closer to the States than Australia. Anyplace is nearer THAN AUSTRALIA!!! Ha! (Typed with immense love.) So, April 2016 Tinto packed up the gorgeous place we call home and stored every single personal belonging in the Maxwell shed. Everything. Tinto flew in the big skies into his large, loving family and was able to work his magic on homes in the U.K. and the south of France. I swear everything this man touches he makes better. Tinto works wonders on buildings and homes and old, stone walls. He has a great eye for what a space needs to be enhanced. It is Tinto's gift.
In any event we would meet every year for at least 10-12 days for our anniversary and support each other the best way we could. Our nightly phone calls were long and like precious pearls. I looked forward to each and every one just to hear the sound of Tinto's calming voice. I know that THEY say 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' ~ I understand. In our case it was certainly true, but it doesn't mean that it's a nice experience. I would not recommend this much distance for any couple. Your heart can physically hurt without having serious health issues! Anyone who has experienced the death of a dear one is well aware...
Tinto and I had choices to make. Mom did not want to die in a nursing home. After huge conversations and serious research, Tinto and I agreed that, no matter what, we would honor Mom's deepest wish. But...we had to be together again and soon. So, another huge move. Moving is never fun. The older one gets the harder it seems to be. I packed my Mom a/k/a/ 'Granny' and we moved from Memphis to Athens, Georgia with Granny kicking and screaming (well, almost) because Mom considered herself to be the largest lover of Memphis! True. She adored Memphis, Tennessee and did not want to die in Georgia. Well, as my grand-daughter always says, 'You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit.' Mom was not going to spend the rest of her days in a facility. Mom would be with my daughter and grand-daughter. My daughter brilliantly raised her hand and volunteered to care for Mom because she knew the toll that my absence from Tinto was taking. I shall forever remember this huge act of kindness. IF you have ever cared for an elderly parent...YOU know what is involved. You truly become a 24 hour carer and you have to have people in place to help you, too, or life begins to fall apart.
Now it was my turn to fly into Tinto's arms and reconnect. Took no time at all. When I saw his face at Gatwick my heart melted. We were back in sync and slap happy. With due diligence I made certain I would be departing England before my six (6) month allowance was over in order not to raise any red flags. Within the time of love and peace, my Mother's health was deteriorating, but...Mom was 89 years of age and I felt lucky to have her. Tinto and I had a cottage in which to live that he and his brother had been renovating and it looked super! Tinto and I continued to nest and then...whoooooooooooooooosh...the six month space was about to be gone and I was receiving multiple calls from the States advising me I needed to come home. When I arrived, my Mom's teeny-tiny arms stretched out to receive me and this picture I have of her in my mind's eye will remain with me until my last breath. The tears flowed. Later I will write about the most intimate and precious time I had with my Mother. It is still a raw memory for me now...
I remain forever thankful that Mother waited for my return before she died.
After almost 2 months I joined Tinto again back in London. He had this super idea that travel would help me heal and while we were on that side of the world...why not see Europe? WHY NOT? That's when the idea grew and developed and he purchased Mr. Horace, our fabulous home on wheels, and we went on a 'walk about' (as we say in Australia), but more like a DRIVE ABOUT. Best 6 months of my life and, of course, I wanted to share the sights, sounds, and tastes with my Mother. Every time I thought of ringing her...a deep pain would hit me as a reminder. That was not nice either. Plain fact: We never get enough of our loved ones. We need to appreciate the moments we have and make the best of them.
During all of this time (years!) we had a dear mate taking care of one of our cats on her property in South Australia. REMINDER: Cats do not move easily. Every single animal we have found us and chose to live with us and make a great difference to our lives. Leaving them was HARD. We had another dear mate looking after Henry, our Bull Mastiff, (small pony!) and another feral cat would not even consider being relocated. She was a lost cause, but guess who appeared 2 days after we returned? MUFFIN, the second cat who chose us! I helped raise her babies, well, Henry helped more. Muffin and Henry would sleep together on our love seat. I have a pic somewhere. It truly is a sight to see. As time went by, Henry was transferred yet again, to Tinto's son. Tinto's son loves and laughs with this dog as much as we do; so everything was still right in the world.
Six months of travelling Europe, falling in love with Ireland, and especially Almunecar, Spain and building memories that we shall treasure for the rest of our days, then reality hits and we really need to get back home. I was fortunate to get to jet back to my 'gels' in Georgia to spend some time and say a proper 'Good-Bye' and Tinto was able to stay with his Father and Mother and do as many things as possible for them to make their lives a bit easier. He truly enjoyed this time and I know he will be forever grateful that he had it.
REALITY.
After flying in for a short and fabulous trip to Melbourne to be with a couple of Tinto's adult children we are back in SOUTH AUSTRALIA. My god, the house is not the same house I know - needs more magic than Tinto (or I) ever imagined, but that's okay. It will be transformed perhaps later rather than sooner. The garden, however, has been tended to in a special way. It was most welcoming to see. I am not quite sure that I am brave enough to post 'before' photos of our house ~ feels a bit personal, but I will share some animal and GARDEN PICS. We have an avalanche of mail to sort through (still) and a mountain of chores ahead of us for the next year, no doubt! Lots of plans, many changes, and that's a good thing, right? Keeps us young and strong and enthusiastic about life. Now, I've said it before...if I could only kidnap my daughter and grand-daughter - life would be perfect.
Feeling absolutely overwhelmed, but embracing the present.
Posted with sheer appreciation.
Blanco, of The Roaming Stevens of South Australia
Our handsome HENRY!!! YAY!!!
This WILL become art...in the near future!
Property built in 1860; Diane and Heidi...I assure you we will not
make you use the LONG DROP! Heeeeee! What a treasure! Ha!
Our man below soaking up the sun. Get used to Henry photos. I am head over heels in love.
Yes, work has commenced on Maxwell House. Tinto gets right ON IT.
I have NO problem being 'Queen Bee' of Maxwell House. Thank you , Barbara. xox
Tinto's fine son whom looked after Maxwell House brilliantly.
The younger version of Tinto!
It is supposed to be Autumn; it's NOOOOOOT. Feels like Spring. YAY!!!
Ox-tongue...I think these below are called. ??!!
A pond has appeared with little guppies! HOW did that happen!??!
BEAUTIFUL!
Reaching for the SUN!
What is left of our lemon trees...both died, but one has come back to life! So GOOD.
These succulents used to be the height of my hip, now they reach the top of the carport~!
SWAGS for WAGS ~ Henry's bed.
YES, I would like very much to have an English garden, well...NO...an Irish one, but Australia is tooooo hot and dry. That's why we appreciate succulents. Never knew how large they would become when we first planted.
New plantings. We are so very pleased. Older roses (some 150 years old) have survived;
some not.
LIFE GOES ON...
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